Many people resist change with every fibre of their being. Change brings us face to face with the unknown, which triggers feelings of fear for many of us. I’m not referring to superficial changes like re-decorating your living space or buying new clothes. I’m talking about changing your way of being; your way of operating in the world. Look back over your life for the last 20 years. On the surface, it may look like you have changed significantly. You may have experienced changes in your work life, in your relationships, your living space and so on but have you really changed your modus operandi in any significant way?
If you look a little deeper, however, you’ll probably find that many patterns of behavior and outcomes have remained the same. For example, you may have been arguing in the same un-constructive way with your partner for the last ten years. Perhaps you always find yourself in emotionally unhealthy situations at work, regardless of the organization you work for. Perhaps your pattern of behaviour related to money has never really changed, despite several changes in your financial situation.
These recurring patterns are a clue; a clue that there is a resistance to change, even if that resistance is entirely subconscious. You may have the conscious intention to change the situation but your sub-conscious mind wants things to stay just the way the are, for a variety of reasons.
One source of resistance could be energetics blockages that you are not even aware of. These blockages could have been handed down through your blood line or they could have developed over time through life experiences. Another source could be a false belief of some kind, such as “I don’t deserve to have what I want”. This false belief could be influencing much of the activity and people you attract into your life, without you even knowing that it exists. Remember, false beliefs are typically operating at a subconscious level, so it may take some effort to become aware of them.
So while we may be seeking change in the material world, the source of the problem really exists at a deeper level. We can access this deeper level; it just takes a different kind of consciousness to develop the ability to see into this part of ourselves.
To begin the process, start doing small things differently. Choose a different spot in the room the next time you go to yoga class. Explore a different route the next time you’re driving somewhere familiar. Try buying your groceries at a store that you’ve never shopped at before. By practicing with these small superficial changes, you will become more comfortable with the idea of change. Then you can start to look at the deeper patterns in your life. Do you see a pattern of victimization? Of being treated poorly? Of sabotage? Take one area that you’ve noticed and examine it further.
Let’s use the example of arguments with your partner. The next time you have an argument, reflect on how it unfolded. Is there typically a build-up of resentment by one of you before the argument? Do each of you play a consistent role in the argument? Perhaps one of you is usually the accuser and the other is the defender. Does it usually end in a true resolution or does it just end because you lose interest, forget what the original reason for the argument was, or give up because resolving the issue seems hopeless?
Once you start to see past the surface issues in situations like these, you can begin to see that you may not be as open to change as you previously thought. Then you’ll be ready to examine why the resistances are there and to consciously engage in moving through them.
Wendy Knight Agard, Everyday GeniusTM, DHM
Wendy Knight Agard helps people ignite their Everyday GeniusTM through transformational coaching at the physical, emotional and soul/spiritual levels. She facilitates successful transformations through individual guidance, corporate “play” shops and keynote speaking.